From Fear to Value: Rethinking Performance and Growth

 

Performance ratings often carry hidden emotional weight. “Brilliant” can feel like being fully loved, “Good work” like partly loved, and “Work to do” like being at risk of abandonment. When feedback feels like judgment, fear takes over—and fear rarely fuels excellence.

The solution? Rewrite the inner dialogue from fear language to value language.
Instead of:
“I must improve technically so I don’t get downgraded.”
Try:
“I want to deepen my technical mastery because excellence and curiosity matter to me.”

Growth is most sustainable when it’s anchored in values, not fear. Let’s create cultures where feedback inspires curiosity, mastery, and purpose—not anxiety.

കുഞ്ഞേ...

കുഞ്ഞേ,

നിന്റെ വിടർന്ന കണ്ണുകൾ
ഇന്നും എന്റെ മനസ്സിൽ തെളിഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നു.
അവ ഒരിക്കലും അടഞ്ഞുവെന്നു
വിശ്വസിക്കാനാവുന്നില്ല എനിക്ക്.

നീ എന്റെ രക്തമല്ല,
എന്റെ കൂടപ്പിറപ്പല്ല,
എന്റെ സഖികളിൽ ഒരാളുമല്ല—
എന്നിരുന്നാലും,
നിന്റെ മാഞ്ഞുപോക്കിന്റെ ദുഃഖം
ഖനീഭവിച്ച് എന്റെ ഹൃദയം തളർത്തുന്നു.

അപകടവാർത്ത കേട്ട ദിവസം,
എന്റെ കണ്ണുകൾ നിറഞ്ഞു,
ഒരു കണ്ണുനീർ വീണു,
നിന്റെ ഓമന മുഖം
മനസ്സിൽ തെളിഞ്ഞപ്പോഴെല്ലാം
ഒരു വിറയൽ പടർന്നു,
ഒരു തരിപ്പെൻ തലയിൽ പിടിച്ചു.

കുഞ്ഞേ,
എന്റെ സങ്കടം
നിയന്ത്രിക്കാനാവുന്നില്ല.

നീയും ഞാനും
ഒരു ദേശത്തിന്റെ മക്കൾ,
ഒരു മലനാട്ടിൽ ജനിച്ചവർ,
ഒരേ വായു ശ്വസിച്ചവർ,
ഒരേ കളികൾ കളിച്ചവർ,
ഒരേ കാഴ്ചകൾ കണ്ടവർ.

ഒരിക്കലും കണ്ടിട്ടില്ലെങ്കിലും,
ആ ബന്ധം നമ്മെ ഒന്നാക്കുന്നു—
രക്തബന്ധമല്ല,
ഒരു നാടിന്റെ സന്ധതിയെന്ന ബന്ധം.

നിന്നെ എന്റെ മകളാക്കുന്നു,
എന്റെ പൊന്നോമനയാക്കുന്നു
ആ ബന്ധം.
തീഷ്‌ണമാണത്,
മനസിനെ പിടിച്ചുലയ്ക്കുന്ന ബന്ധം.

ഇത്രയും കറുത്ത ലോകത്തിൽ,
നിന്നെ ഓർത്തു
എന്നെ കരയിപ്പിക്കുന്ന ബന്ധം.

The Unheard Pause

 The SmartO(My brain Child) Meeting ended with a familiar ache in my chest. Kishore had done it again—smooth, strategic, and just manipulative enough to make it look like collaboration. He twisted the conversation, made it sound like we’d agreed to share our roadmap. We hadn’t. But no one corrected him. The other teams just nodded, complicit in their silence.

I closed my laptop and stared at the screen for a moment longer than necessary. My hands hovered over the keyboard, then moved to my phone.

Me: “Hey, got a minute? Just need to talk.”

Anjali: “Sure! Call me.”

I dialed. Her voice was bright, familiar.

Anjali: “Hey you! What’s up?”

I hesitated, then let the words spill.

Me: “Today was… hard. Kishore twisted the whole conversation. Again. And the others just let it happen. It’s like they’re not collaborating—they’re just playing us. I felt so exposed. Like I was the only one not in on the game.”

There was a pause. I waited.

Anjali: “Hmm.”

Just that. A soft, neutral sound. No follow-up. No “That sounds awful.” No “I’m here for you.”

Then she pivoted.

Anjali: “You know, my friend Priya is like that—always chasing trends. Yesterday she bought this neon green jacket just because it’s viral on Insta. Can you believe it?”

I blinked. My heart sank.

Me: “Oh… yeah?”

Anjali: “Yeah! And now she’s planning a trip to Bali just because it’s trending. I mean, who does that?”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. I asked questions. I laughed in the right places. I was present. I always am.

But inside, I was shrinking.

That night, I sat on my balcony alone, the city lights flickering like restless thoughts. I replayed the call in my head.

Why didn’t she hear me?

I imagined saying it differently.

“Anjali, I’m not okay. I don’t need advice. I just need someone to sit with me in this. Can you do that?”

But I hadn’t said that. I’d hoped she’d just know.

I picked up my phone again. Ramees’s name stared back at me. I hesitated, then tapped.

Ramees: “Hey, you okay?”

Just two words. But they landed like a warm blanket.

Me: “Not really. Can I talk?”

Ramees: “Of course. I’m here.”

And I talked. About Kishore. About the call. About how I felt like a ghost in my own team. About Anjali. About the “hmm.”

He didn’t interrupt. He didn’t pivot. He just stayed.

Ramees: “I hear you. That sounds really heavy. I’m glad you called.”

ജനുവരി 22

 ഇന്ന് ജനുവരി 22. ഇന്ത്യയുടെ ചരിത്രം പഠിക്കുന്നവർക്ക് ഭാവിയിൽ ഓർത്തുവയ്ക്കാനുള്ള ഒരു തീയതി. രാമ ക്ഷേത്ര പ്രതിഷ്ഠ നടത്തിയ ദിവസം. ഇന്ത്യ ഒട്ടൊക്കെ ആഘോഷമാണ്. പ്രത്യേകിച്ച് ഉത്തര ഭാരത്തിൽ നിന്നുള്ളവർ ദക്ഷിണ ഭാരതീയരും ആഘോഷിക്കുന്നു. രാമക്ഷേത്ര പ്രതിഷ്ഠ മോശമായ ഒരു കാര്യമാണോ? അല്ല എന്നായിരിക്കും ഉത്തരം. അതിൻറെ പ്രസക്തി വരുന്നത് 35 വർഷം മുമ്പ് അവിടെ ഒരു മുസ്ലിം പള്ളി ആയിരുന്നു എന്തും ചേർത്തു വായിക്കുമ്പോൾ ആണ്. 500ൽ പരം വർഷങ്ങൾക്ക് മുൻപ് പണിത ഒരു പള്ളി അത് ബലംപ്രയോഗിച്ചു പൊളിച്ച് ആ സ്ഥലം ഇന്ത്യൻ ഭരണഘടന പ്രകാരം സ്ഥാപിതമായ നീതിന്യായ വ്യവസ്ഥ വഴി പൊളിച്ച് ആൾക്ക് തന്നെ നൽകപ്പെട്ട അവിടെ ഒരു ക്ഷേത്രം പണിതിരിക്കുന്നു. ഒരു വിചിത്രമായ സംഗതി. ഒരു ആധുനിക രാഷ്ട്രത്തിൽ അന്യായത്തിന് നീതിന്യായ വ്യവസ്ഥ കുടപിടിക്കുന്നു. എന്തായിരിക്കും നീതിന്യായ വ്യവസ്ഥ ഇങ്ങനെ ചെയ്യാൻ കാരണം ? സമാധാനത്തിനു വേണ്ടി ഒരു മധ്യസ്ഥ ശ്രമം എന്നായിരുന്നു വിധി പ്രഖ്യാപിക്കുമ്പോൾ നീതിന്യായ വ്യവസ്ഥയുടെ ഭാഷ്യം. ന്യായത്തിന്റെ കൂടെ നിൽക്കേണ്ടവർ ഇടനിലക്കാരാകുമ്പോൾ ന്യായം നടക്കാതെ പോകുന്നു. അന്യായത്തിന് ആയുള്ള മുറവിളിയുടെ ശബ്ദം അത്രമേൽ വലുതായിരുന്നു. വിധി പറഞ്ഞവർക്ക് തന്നെ ആ വികാരം ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു എന്ന് സംശയമുണ്ട്. ഒരു രാഷ്ട്രം മുഴുവൻ അന്യായത്തെ ന്യായീകരിച്ച് അതിനെ ആഘോഷമാക്കി വരാൻ സാധ്യതയുള്ള കൊടിയ അന്യായങ്ങൾക്ക് ചുട്ടു പിടിക്കുന്ന ദിവസം. അതാണ് ഇന്ന്. ആഘോഷിക്കുന്ന എത്ര പേർ ഇതിനെ പറ്റി ചിന്തിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ട് എന്ന് സംശയമാണ്. ചിന്തിക്കുന്നവർ ഉണ്ടെങ്കിൽ ഇങ്ങനെയൊന്ന് നടക്കില്ലല്ലോ! ഹിറ്റ്ലറിനെ, ജൂതരെ കൂട്ടക്കൊല ചെയ്ത ഹിറ്റ്ലറെ, വാഴ്ത്തി പാടുന്ന കാലമാണിത്. ചരിത്രം മറക്കുന്ന ജനങ്ങളുടെ കാലം. അന്ധതയുടെ കാലം. വലിയ മതാന്തതയുടെ കാലം മതത്തിൻറെ അന്ധത ചരിത്രത്തിന്റെ മറവി രണ്ടും കൂടി കൂട്ടിക്കലർത്തി ഒരു രാജ്യ നീതി ഉണ്ടായി വരുന്ന കാലം. ഒരു മത രാഷ്ട്രത്തിലേക്കുള്ള ചവിട്ടുപടിയുടെ രാജ്യ നീതി വെട്ടി തുറന്നിട്ടിരിക്കുകയാണ്. ഒരു മത രാഷ്ട്രത്തിൻറെ ചവിട്ടുപടി. മതരാഷ്ട്രങ്ങളുടെ ചരിത്രം ന്യൂനപക്ഷ വിഭാഗങ്ങൾക്ക് ഒട്ടും ആശാസ്യമല്ല. ഒരു അരക്ഷിത അവസ്ഥയുടെ കാലം, ഇന്ന് തുടങ്ങി എന്നല്ല ഇന്ന് അതിന് ബഹുഭൂരിപക്ഷം ജനങ്ങളും അംഗീകരിച്ചു എന്നു പറയാം. കുറച്ചുനാളുകളായി കാലം ഈ അടയാളങ്ങൾ കാണിച്ചു തരുന്നുണ്ട് അത് നാൾക്കുനാൾ ശക്തിപ്പെട്ടു കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നു. ചരിത്രം പഠിക്കുന്നവർ ഈ നാൾ ഓർത്തുവയ്ക്കും ഒരു രാജ്യം മുഴുവൻ അന്ധരായ ദിവസം!

The way you say it

How many times it happened,

That, your meeting just overrun.

That, you are very excited about a topic but get an ice-cold response from your partner or friend when you share it.

That, the first 10 mins of a meeting you schedule revolves around personal matters

That, you wonder why it is taking longer to come to the point in a discussion.

If you think this had happened to you, then this blog is for you. After you read this,  you will be able to see the communication in a different light.

Communications is fundamental to the existence and survival of humans as well as to an organization.  But what exactly is communication?

 Communication is a process of creating and sharing ideas, information, views, facts, feelings, etc. among the people to reach a common understanding. And communication skills... it’s the ability to impart knowledge in ways that are understandable for recipients. There is a common understanding that “Good communication is the key to success.” But we can refine it a bit “Good communication is good, but clear communication is the key to success”.

But How can we make our communication clear? By clearing throat, by using flowery language. No.. The mantra for it is simple it is in the communication style. Communication styles are the broad ways in which people tend to communicate with others.

When I sat down to write this speech, my friend called me. He started sharing the work pressure and tensions. This went for an hour an half. And I just listen and sometimes asking some questions. I chose to listen, why?... For peace... Not exactly... that’s major because of my communication style. A mix of Supportive and Analytical. As a supportive communicator generally I’m an active listener. The questions come from my analytical side, trying to be a problem solver.  This usually works better in my conversation with my friends.

The supportive communicators are usually patient and people-friendly. The supportive communicator looks for a purpose and tends to ask “why” more, like, why are we doing this. Those who were in the executive council in the last 4 terms might have heard it often in the EC meetings. That’s a characteristic of those Supportive communicators.

The picture changes when it comes to the office. I work horizontally and have to do work with 3 managers.  The other day I was presenting a business improvement idea to one of them. The proposal was on the way we can optimize efforts on user queries and effort reduction. I started with the way we capture queries and then on how to analyses those queries, the tools we have, and on an on. He becomes impatient and cut me short. That was not what he was looking for. He wants bullet points and a timeline. Like an eagle, we need things to be move faster and quickly reach new heights. These are the characteristics of a Direct communicator. When speaking with them, start with the conclusion.

I was welcomed with tons of questions when I presented bullet points to the second manager. He wants details of each and every task, step by step I have to explain it. And also backup plan when plan A goes wrong. Oh, boys that were a tough meeting. Like an Owl, they are observant. they need details. Be ready with a detailed plan when you talk to such people.

The meeting with the third manager was the one which usually goes forever and overruns every time. We both are a supportive communicator. Like a Dove, We are considerate patient and people-friendly. The word “We” usually comes in the conversation. Speaking with these types of communicators, be relaxed, logical, and people-friendly. In communication, they tend to be a patient, sympathetic, and active listener.

The style of communication developed over the years through all the experiences, observations, and learning you went through. The style of communication is easy to understand by listening to others. Pause a listen, whether the one you are communicating is of an Eagle nature or an Owl nature or of the nature of Dove. That’s the simple mantra. Tailor your current. That makes you communication clear.

Clear communication creates accountability, builds a positive, trusting environment, avoids confusion, and provides a guiding source of vision. Whether you are a business owner, a CEO, or a freelancer, developing clear communication skills will serve to grow your business ideas, interpersonal skills, enhance your leadership, and fast track your success. The way you say it matters.

ചങ്ങമ്പുഴ കൃഷ്ണപിള്ളയുടെ "ആ പൂമാല" എന്ന കാവ്യം |ആരുവാങ്ങുമിന്നാരുവാങ്ങുമ...

Come, conquer it

Panic, Embarrassed, Exposed

Those were the feeling I had when I walked on to the stage in from of an audience for the first time in my life. This was in the school days and I was acting as one of the lead characters in a play. Soon I stepped on to the stage I looked at the audience. There were too many people in that huge hall. I glanced only once. That was enough. A shiver passed through my body, tongue-tied, and I was frozen. The teacher who scripted and directed the play appeared at the corner of the stage and started whispering me the dialogue. 

(Teacher)“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once”

(Me- hastily)” Cowradies many times before deaths; valiant never tastebuds”

A play supposed to be a serious one ended as a comedy show. Even after I finished the audience was trying to figure out the plethora of new words I invented on the stage.

Stage fear, Fear of Public speaking, Fear of facing an audience. I am not alone in this. The fear of public speaking always tops the list of fears. 46% of Americans fear that. This fear comes from Anxiety. Another study says that 85% feel anxiety in high stake speaking. I think the rest 15% may be lying. I don’t have to do much research on this. In the capacity of Vice President of Education of toastmaster club, I contact almost everyone for planning each meeting, just t fill 2 speaking slots and other 3 important roles. Many times I ended up in contacting other toastmaster clubs to fill up the roles.

Apart from leave and unavailability the reasons I hear mostly circles around the word anxiety.

                What people will think of me?   

                What if I fail?

                I need more time to prepare to prepare, so that I don’t forget my lines.

                What if I couldn’t connect with audience and communicate my idea

                What if I fail to convince audience?

Do you remember any other time these questions trouble you??

                In a meeting when your turn comes?

                When the speaker asks for questions after presentations

                Again when someone asks about your ideas

                Or when taking some critical decisions and you have a different thought?

                Or least in selecting a topic for a speech you wanted to give?

Isn’t so?

Because of the anxiety we hide our ideas and silence the pondering questions within us. Thus closing the doors to your unique ideas that no one else might have. Those ideas are yours, grown in you, just to stay within you, and die prematurely. That’s a miss, A miss for you, A miss for your friends and family, to the society.

One of my colleagues is passing through this same phase. His ideas are impressive and very much unique, which can change the way the developments and applications are maintained are done, and also give fantastic customer experience. If taken a step ahead, his idea can potentially become a startup with a big chance of success. But every time he presents his ideas, the Anxiety takes it over and rests you can imagine. He is still my colleague.

In 1889, one Indian lawyer went through the same traumatizing experience of anxiety. He was appearing for his first case in his career, but he couldn’t utter any word. He ran out of the courtroom in humiliation. Later in his age, he managed his anxiety by welcoming it with an open heart and it began to fade away. He communicated his ideas loud and clear and it starts resonating within the heart of millions of Indians. He was able to inspire them, unite them in the fight against colonial powers. The one we ran away from the court led the nation to independence and become the father of our nation.

There are many such men and women in the world, who overcame the fear of public speaking, let their idea flow through freely, which changed the course of their life and of the world. Abraham Lincon, Mahatma Gandhi, Thomas Jefferson, Winston Churchill, Harisson Ford, Mr. Bean Rowa Atkin. The list is long. The toastmaster club is a small invitation to you to join that list. Come on to the stage, Say “Hello” to your anxiety, embrace it, and conquer it. A leader is made.    

“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once”